007: Who You Become Today Will Define Your Tomorrow - 5 Beliefs That Took Me From Hacker to Leader

Read Time: 7 Minutes
Read on: monicatalkscyber.com

In my childhood, I was a shy kid. Throughout my middle school and high school, I was bullied and I had no friends. Well, one person did befriend me before I graduated from school. She was kind. But the first time I made friends was in college.

Despite growing up shy, my father taught me from early childhood years to not be shy of taking risks. That somehow stuck with me. Over time, I started to dive into the things I believed in. I went towards the goals I badly wanted to achieve and the life I knew I wanted to build. I would regret it if I didn’t try. That has been my mantra, and it's how I’ve approached my life and my career.

Stay In Your Lane?

In just 4 years, I went from hacker to CISO, despite literally being told by one of my ex-managers to "stay in your lane". When I heard those words, I was crushed. Those words rang in my ears for days and weeks. But those words also fuelled me from inside to land my first CISO gig in just 90 days of starting to look for my dream gig.

It's not always society that’s telling you to “stay in your lane”. Often, you are telling that to yourself. How often do you end up doubting your own capabilities? “I don’t think I am ready for it” or “I don’t think I could possibly do it” are some of the most common phrases I hear very often. To add to that you’ll end up meeting people that’ll drag you down.

More than time, experience, skills, what I see people lack is self-belief. What’s humbling, though, is that we've all been there at some point or other. Both you and I. Many times, I have felt that fear of taking the next step. That crippling self-doubt. That lack of self-belief.

Over the last 20 years in this industry, I've met many fantastic, kind people. But, I've also faced much resistance. I've dealt with many toxic bosses and many naysayers. To end that cycle of crippling self-doubt, I had to train myself to keep moving forward. I had to keep trying and not give up on myself, despite the lack of self-belief at times.

***

Lack of self-belief at times is normal. Stopping yourself because of that is a choice.

This one mindset has given me the best return on investment ever.

Here are my top 5 mental beliefs that took me from a shy kid to a hacker and a security leader, building my life and my career on my terms. So can you.

***

5 Beliefs That Took Me From Hacker to Leader

[1] Who You Become Today Will Define Your Tomorrow

In 2017, I was broken. I had just moved to Norway. Soon, my marriage at that time, fell apart. One of my former managers was extremely toxic. It took me more than 2.5 years of legal battles just to get a divorce. Due to both my worlds falling apart, I ended up in the hospital. As if that wasn't enough, one of the recruiters almost stopped me from quitting a toxic employer because "Duh, how it'd look on my CV." I barely managed to get myself together, and bam, in 2021, there I was, hit with the unexpected, "You have cancer and your clock’s ticking..."

Those five-plus years have been the biggest roller coaster of my life, but over those years…

• I ended up finding myself.

• I learned some of the biggest lessons.

• I grew my life and career 10x on my terms.

Your circumstances do not limit you. Your past doesn't determine your future. But who you choose to become today will define your tomorrow. This is by far the biggest lesson to build my career and life on my terms.

After those five years, I knew I needed to.

• Find myself

• Rewrite my story.

• Define who I was going to be.

...and so I did. Despite struggles and adversities...

1. I became a CISO and got awarded as the top #3 CISO in EMEA.

2. I met my life partner around 6 years ago, who also became my best friend, and now my husband.

3. I launched my 10x security leadership masterclass to build leaders. The next one is on July 10th and 12th, 2024.

None of this would have been possible today if I had given up on myself in 2017. If I hadn't worked towards who I wanted to become. Someone who would thrive in their career and life on their terms, despite the adversities. This is the principle behind "The 10x Circle":

Who you become today will define your tomorrow.

For a better tomorrow, you must:

• Start from within you.

• Start from defining your who.

• Start scared, messy, but start today.

✅ If you are an aspiring or current leader in cybersecurity and wish to 10x your career & life, book your spot today. I’ll not just say it, but I’ll show you how.

[2] Don’t Settle for Whatever

Great careers don’t build by themselves. You have to kiss some frogs. You have to go through rejections. You also have to reject what’s not right for you. Be intentional with every choice. If you do this, I promise you'll find a career, an employer, a business, a culture that values you.

That’s the key to me going from hacker to leader on my terms. About 8 years ago, I went through a nasty divorce and had one of the worst bosses. Both parts of my life were crashing down at the same time. As I went through it to the other side, I vowed to never settle for whatever.

You owe this to yourself. It doesn’t mean it’s easy. It doesn’t mean it’s going to happen right away. But, if you want to attract great things to your life, you need to have that as a core value.

***

How you think, you become. Who you become, you attract.

Since then, I've been picky with the jobs I take. I want to build a great culture. I'm picky about the teams I build. I'm intentional about the leader I am. I am picky about the people I network with. I am picky about the career I want. I am picky about the relationships I nurture. And I am picky about the life I want to live.

A big part of that is learning how to negotiate.

***

You don’t get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate for.

I have used that in every part of my career. And, more importantly, you'll need it every day in your role as a CISO or any security leader. It isn’t about winning. A great negotiation also means:

1. Picking your battles - Being ready to negotiate to get what you deserve.

2. Knowing how to pick them - Best negotiations leave both sides as winners.

3. Knowing which ones are worth picking - Not everything is worth negotiating.

These are some of the most underrated skills. You'll need them to be an effective and influential security leader. Learn how to negotiate and don't settle for whatever.

[3] Closed Mouths Don’t Get Fed

If you don’t ask, the answer is always NO. It’s not about screaming. It’s about being your best advocate in the right places, at the right time, in the right context. You don’t have to be the loudest or an extrovert. But if you don’t ask, it’s a definite no.

In one of my CISO roles, I started with no budget, no team, and no seat at the table. Within just 2 years, I got my own budget, grew my team to 10+ people and got me a seat at the executive table.

Closed mouths don’t get fed. But you don’t get just because you ask.

You have to showcase the value you bring. You have to showcase why that makes sense. You have to become someone that’s worthy of it. Your team, your budget, your seat at the table aren't your entitlements. They are the result of your hard work. They come from your commitment and dedication to build something better for someone. They are a mark of your leadership. They are a sign of your credibility.

I have talked to hundreds of global CISOs and top security leaders.

Here are 3 key things they all do:

1. Bet on your team.

2. Do not build an echo chamber.

3. Do not try to do it all by yourself.

[4] Learn From Those Who Came Before You

Getting mentors, coaches, and advisors in cybersecurity and entrepreneurship allowed me to learn from them. I learned from their successes and mistakes. The investment I made in time and money was more than worth it. My path is still so different from theirs; I still built and walked my own path. Your path is unique.

***

By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; second is by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest — Confucius

I have had my own share of bitter experiences that have taught me the most, but also it's been a painful experience. It's been costly.

Would I change anything? No. But can you learn from my mistakes and experiences? Can you learn from the mistakes, experiences and lessons from 12+ other global security leaders to grow your career and your life on your terms? You totally can.

You can learn in various ways, the cheapest of them all is to learn from others’ mistakes and lessons.

[5] Take Calculated Risks

I took the risk to become a hacker. I took the risk to become a CISO. I took the risk to uproot my life from India to settle in Germany and Norway. All the risks I took paid off heavily. Why? Because they were followed by a plan and action. No risk, no gain. But how do you know what’s a calculated risk?

At 10, I knew I'd work in tech. In my early 20s, I decided to leave home to study abroad. One day, I packed my bags, booked a one-way ticket, and moved to Europe. Next 10+ years, I built a life in Munich and it became home. In 2016, I packed up again to move to Norway, only to realize:

• My previous marriage was toxic.

• One of my former bosses was horrible.

• I had to fight for my legal rights for 2.5 years.

Was it all worth it? Absolutely. During all those adversities, I also:

• Found true love with my now-husband and my best friend.

• Built my career and life on my terms, despite being told: "stay in your lane."

• Found who I wanted to become, despite going through adversities and cancer.

This brings me back full circle.

Since I was young, I've taken countless risks in my career and life. Why? Because I know a lifetime full of regrets is worse than a life with failures.

Every time I decided to take a risk, I used my risk decision model below and I knew the answer. It has worked wonders for me in every difficult career and life decision. I'll show you more on what it takes to make those hard decisions in security leadership, in my masterclass.

• What model have you used?

• How do you decide whether a risk is worth taking?

• How do you build your career and life on your terms?

***

Where Do You Go From Here?

Great careers are not built by accident. Great careers and lives aren't built by chance. Grow your career 10x and build your career and life on your terms.

If you want to skill up, break into security leadership or 10x your career as a security leader, consider joining my flagship The 10x Security Leadership Masterclass (Only LAST FEW SPOTS remaining with 20% DISCOUNT).

In this masterclass, I show both aspiring and current security leaders how to take the leap from concept to effective and influential security leadership with ease, proven frameworks and tested methodologies. You'll learn not only from me but from condensed knowledge from 12+ other global and highly successful security leaders providing you knowledge, framework and expertise of 50+ years combined in just a matter of few hours. Click here to get started today.

Here's what you'll get:

✅ My entire 10x manual on how I went from hacker to security leader in just 4 years.
✅ Real insights and actionable advice from industry leaders on 'How to 10x in Security Leadership'.
✅ The 10x framework I and other global leaders have used to become effective and influential leaders with proven, actionable and no bs tips.
✅ Lifetime access to full interviews with all top 10+ leaders to look back at whenever you need them in your journey.
✅ Lifetime access to full LIVE masterclass session along with one FREE 1-1 with me after the LIVE cohort to help you create a custom plan for your security leadership journey and achieve your outcome.

***

–– Monica Verma

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